In my open forum discussion on FaceBook, someone asked how to open their abilities more.. Since this is not the first time I've been asked this, I'm going to try and explain a little bit more here.
In my experience, there is more to opening up your awareness than just sitting for hours on end meditating... What also goes into opening up awareness... (to one who is trying to learn to open up and is who was not born with the natural ability to do so at will... Or to someone who has been born with the natural ability, and wants to focus/fine tune it better)... has a lot to do also with Study...
I literally have hundreds of books on many many different topics, mostly to keep myself fresh.. And quite honestly.. To keep me learning... Remember, this is a learning experience we are having here. Never stop learning... Be the sponge.. Become the student.. And stay the student, always...
Keep in mind also.. That this is not something that you just learn and then drop once you "get it"... Study also keeps your mind and heart open and exploring.. It brings also new idea's and new ways of looking at other things that work for other people.. Study keeps you sharp...
I answered this person too on her question with something that I do nearly every day... Calm... Relaxation.. Rest.. Meditation, yes... But if you're constantly watching the news, or your life is filled with drama, drama, drama, then your thoughts and hard wires, start to become scrambled.. Never forget, that we are in essence, energy.. And energy begets energy.. In my opinion, even watching the news on a daily basis is not good. Watching the news subliminally puts thoughts of negative energy into your mind and plays havoc with it. It is subliminal.. Some tv shows too are the same way... I rarely watch tv and most oftentimes listen to music.. Mostly calm music to keep my mind calm and open.. Im not saying that this is the ticket.. Im saying this is what works for me.. For me, calm soft music works, for someone else, maybe another type of music works for them... Remember, there is no wrong way of doing things.... Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind..
Also.. Do not try to force things along... Forcing things usually leads to doubt.. Dont force, dont doubt.. If you see something in a meditation, take it for what it is.. Be thankful that you're receiving what you are receiving.. Maybe theres no reason whatsoever for what you are receiving, theres always the chance that you're getting what you're getting as validation that yes, this is truly happening.
My friend on Facebook sees symbols in her meditations.. This could very well be validation that yes, she is where she should be while meditating.. This could very well be her "signal" so to speak.. And then again, there could be no rhyme or reason for the symbols at all..
If someone is getting something and it hits home strikingly.. That is when to explore it more... Tho as I just said, it might just mean to "pay attention".. There still could be no rhyme or reason for what you receive...
Also, I want to make mention too.. To be very aware of the signs. People ask The Uppers certain questions and they are answered in signs.. Signs are every where people... When you ask, "Am I loved?" And a bird flys over head, or the sun shines in your face.. Or your eye catches a sparkling snowflake... Those are all signs... You might even notice while driving, the street signs, or the red lights or the arrows... Those are all signs also.. It seems to me, that most people are unaware of the signs that they get every single day. That they dont pay attention to them, and so because of that, they feel their questions go unanswered.. They do not go unanswered.. It is you that are missing the signs that are sent.
Our guides, our angles and The Uppers, can not communicate the same way as you and I do. People also oftentimes forget that these beings, these entities, are yet on another wave length as we are. That they are just above us in the same but not the same realm.. So they send us signs. They send us dreams, they send us answers in many ways, and it is up to us to see them. To be open and aware of them.
So with all that said.. How does one open themselves up to awareness?? By keeping themselves aware to begin with.. To study.. To meditate.. To keep an open mind to their thoughts and others thoughts.. To stay away from negative interactions as best as possible as one can.. ie: Tv, News etc etc... Being around negative people will drain the psyche also.. And some people are much more sensitive than others in that area.. Myself, it is extremely draining to be around negativity for long periods of time.. Stay centered, stay grounded...
And be thankful.. The Uppers love to be thanked for the gifts that they share with us. Just as you like to be recognised for the things that you do, so do they.. So make sure to also include a thank you to your angels and guides for sharing with you.. And let them know also.. That you enjoy being the open radio channel, the receptor.. To be able to help them in their endeavors also.. That you enjoy their company... Rather than constantly asking questions in meditations.. Go now and then... For a visit.. Just to be with them.. And be quiet with them... To enjoy them... As they enjoy you..
Remember... That learning to be aware takes time, practice and patience.. This does not happen over night.. Stay strong on your path..
Ask, and you will receive.. Knock... And the door will be opened to you..
Asalam Alakim my friends...
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_122740061123769&id=122756871122088
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Mystery Word of the day: Psychic...
After speaking with a few friends the other night, I wanted to touch on the word, "Psychic".. What is this word?
The word, Psychic as described in Websters Dictionary;
psy·chic /ˈsaɪkɪk/
[sahy-kik] –adjective Also, psy·chi·cal.
1. of or pertaining to the human soul or mind; mental ( opposed to physical).
2. Psychology . pertaining to or noting mental phenomena.
3. outside of natural or scientific knowledge; spiritual.
4. of or pertaining to some apparently nonphysical force or agency: psychic research; psychic phenomena.
5. sensitive to influences or forces of a nonphysical or supernatural nature.
–noun
6. a person who is allegedly sensitive to psychic influences or forces; medium.
Origin:
1855–60; < Gk psȳchikós of the soul.
There are so many thousands of misconceptions when one thinks of the word "psychic". Hollywood has unfortunatly put so much hype into this word that very many people who are related to it dont necessarily care for using the word itself.
So what the word psychic means is: "of or pertaining to the human soul or mind; mental" ... What it does not mean: It does not mean that one is under the influence of the devil or any devil related content. It does not mean, "Voodoo". It also does not mean to one who is related to the word.. That they do not believe in God, Jesus or that the Psychic person does not have any religious views. It also does not mean to one that one who is related to the word, Psychic, that they stay in a constant "tuned in" basis constantly.
Hollywood tries to portray the Psychic as this mysterious, non origin person surrounded in unearthy shadowy enigma. When in fact, everyone has this ability to foresee the unexplained. Each and every person on this planet is able to tap, touch or tune into their 6th sense.
For many years before the modern age of telephones, computers and gadjets... Everyone had this so called "gift" developed. It wasnt until man became further advanced that this 6th sense more or less fell away. This 6th sense before the modern day was actually a "fight or flight" function. Early humans needed to know when to run, or when to move, they needed to know where food was, where the water was, and how to move away from danger.They needed to know in order to live, when to migrate from the flat lands to the high lands (so to speak).. They had no means of developed tools in this area, and humans possessed more of the animal instinct, that psychic-ness, than what they do today.
In todays world, people can and do tap into this very natural ability. Some people are born with it stronger than others however, and some are trained, or taught psychics. However, even to some psychics, this can be a very scary and misunderstood phenomena. Usually this most happens to young people, or children who are told at a very early age, that this is very un natural by their parents or the adults in their lives. Then there are others that have very supporting families, a very strong support system, who are told the exact opposite. They were never made to be afraid of their natural born ability. And those are the ones who most oftentimes become the most gifted.
There are others too at times, that might have something traumatic happen in their lives that brings about the ability as they grow older and are "woken up" to their gifts at an older age. This too can be frightening as well.
In any event, what Im saying is that there are all sorts of possible ways that one develops this ability.
I further want to explain also... That one with the ability of being psychic, is not constantly as a rule.... "Tuned or Tapped" in constantly.
I have had myself, people who are on edge around me thinking that if they let their thoughts flow as they normally do... That I'll pick up every tiny little thing that crosses their minds. We are not mind readers. And when a person "closes" themselves off to us, we can not as easily pick up on what is going on around them. When a person does not want to be read, chances are, that they can not be read.
Here is another very common question... Can the Psychic still see what is around a person when this happens? When the person is closed, or not wanting to be read??
The answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yes, we can if we are in the "mode" (turned into) "feel" what is going on around a person. It depends on if the Psychic is already "tuned in". We can not read the minds of another, but we can or could see/feel the energy around that person. However, a good psychic should know if a person does not want the information that they are receiving. A good psychic should have morals and values around them. And a good psychic does not intrude where they are not wanted. And a good psychic knows also as well that not everyone wants the information that they are getting.
It is quite another thing if someone comes to the Psychic asking for information. Myself, I try to always explain to the person in front of me, that they have come to me... That though their consultation is just as private as say, going to see your doctor... That whatever information I may get, what ever energy comes, is what comes. Good or Bad.. And just as they have come to find out the information, that it is my responsibility to give to them, whatever may come.
As I also have tried to explain in the past.. There are times when the information just comes. There is no trying, no opening up... The energy just hits where it hits. Quite usually this happens when it is extremely important that the person receives the message. I have learned threw the years also, that if I do not give the message to the person and say I try to ignore it... The energy stays with me for a very long time until I can release it.
Those who know me, know that I say I am being "Nagged" if you will. The information simply stays with me until I can give it to the person that needs the information. If for some reason I can not give the information to the person, say the person is a stranger or not open to hearing the information, then I have to "close" the door to it.. This to me feels very unnatural though there has been times that I have to just let it go.
When I was young.. I did as young children do, and just blurted out what came to me... Again, threw the years Ive learned not to do that lol... This was a learning thing for me though.. It was not something that I knew in my very early childhood.
These are only but a few things that I wanted to jot down today but I do hope that this bit of information was at least some what helpful.
No, if you sit next to a Psychic, will they always be able to tap into you. Yes, they can if you want them to by asking them to... And even sometimes not. Let me also say, that once in awhile another phenomena happens and we receive nothing at all from your energy.
It quite normally means that we are just as human as the next person. We do not always connect to the energy, we do not always tap into. If there are things that are not meant to be known or known yet.. A psychic will not get the information... It simply just goes to show that yes, as I said.. We're human also.
Also let me quickly explain before I leave for now... That just because a Psychic taps into the information they are getting at the time, does it always mean 100% that they are correct 100%. Just because they see what they see now, does not always mean that the items of events will happen. If you are the seeker looking for answers and say I "feel" that there is an accident on the next corner that you should avoid and I tell you about it... And say perhaps, that you then, do listen to my information and do not cross that corner and the event doesnt happen... It doesnt mean that the Psychic was wrong, it means that some where down the road of things, that the events that were foreseen or felt, were changed, or yet another road was taken.
Asalam A'Lakim!
Nameste'
God be With You
and Blessed be!
Meichelle
The word, Psychic as described in Websters Dictionary;
psy·chic /ˈsaɪkɪk/
[sahy-kik] –adjective Also, psy·chi·cal.
1. of or pertaining to the human soul or mind; mental ( opposed to physical).
2. Psychology . pertaining to or noting mental phenomena.
3. outside of natural or scientific knowledge; spiritual.
4. of or pertaining to some apparently nonphysical force or agency: psychic research; psychic phenomena.
5. sensitive to influences or forces of a nonphysical or supernatural nature.
–noun
6. a person who is allegedly sensitive to psychic influences or forces; medium.
Origin:
1855–60; < Gk psȳchikós of the soul.
There are so many thousands of misconceptions when one thinks of the word "psychic". Hollywood has unfortunatly put so much hype into this word that very many people who are related to it dont necessarily care for using the word itself.
So what the word psychic means is: "of or pertaining to the human soul or mind; mental" ... What it does not mean: It does not mean that one is under the influence of the devil or any devil related content. It does not mean, "Voodoo". It also does not mean to one who is related to the word.. That they do not believe in God, Jesus or that the Psychic person does not have any religious views. It also does not mean to one that one who is related to the word, Psychic, that they stay in a constant "tuned in" basis constantly.
Hollywood tries to portray the Psychic as this mysterious, non origin person surrounded in unearthy shadowy enigma. When in fact, everyone has this ability to foresee the unexplained. Each and every person on this planet is able to tap, touch or tune into their 6th sense.
For many years before the modern age of telephones, computers and gadjets... Everyone had this so called "gift" developed. It wasnt until man became further advanced that this 6th sense more or less fell away. This 6th sense before the modern day was actually a "fight or flight" function. Early humans needed to know when to run, or when to move, they needed to know where food was, where the water was, and how to move away from danger.They needed to know in order to live, when to migrate from the flat lands to the high lands (so to speak).. They had no means of developed tools in this area, and humans possessed more of the animal instinct, that psychic-ness, than what they do today.
In todays world, people can and do tap into this very natural ability. Some people are born with it stronger than others however, and some are trained, or taught psychics. However, even to some psychics, this can be a very scary and misunderstood phenomena. Usually this most happens to young people, or children who are told at a very early age, that this is very un natural by their parents or the adults in their lives. Then there are others that have very supporting families, a very strong support system, who are told the exact opposite. They were never made to be afraid of their natural born ability. And those are the ones who most oftentimes become the most gifted.
There are others too at times, that might have something traumatic happen in their lives that brings about the ability as they grow older and are "woken up" to their gifts at an older age. This too can be frightening as well.
In any event, what Im saying is that there are all sorts of possible ways that one develops this ability.
I further want to explain also... That one with the ability of being psychic, is not constantly as a rule.... "Tuned or Tapped" in constantly.
I have had myself, people who are on edge around me thinking that if they let their thoughts flow as they normally do... That I'll pick up every tiny little thing that crosses their minds. We are not mind readers. And when a person "closes" themselves off to us, we can not as easily pick up on what is going on around them. When a person does not want to be read, chances are, that they can not be read.
Here is another very common question... Can the Psychic still see what is around a person when this happens? When the person is closed, or not wanting to be read??
The answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yes, we can if we are in the "mode" (turned into) "feel" what is going on around a person. It depends on if the Psychic is already "tuned in". We can not read the minds of another, but we can or could see/feel the energy around that person. However, a good psychic should know if a person does not want the information that they are receiving. A good psychic should have morals and values around them. And a good psychic does not intrude where they are not wanted. And a good psychic knows also as well that not everyone wants the information that they are getting.
It is quite another thing if someone comes to the Psychic asking for information. Myself, I try to always explain to the person in front of me, that they have come to me... That though their consultation is just as private as say, going to see your doctor... That whatever information I may get, what ever energy comes, is what comes. Good or Bad.. And just as they have come to find out the information, that it is my responsibility to give to them, whatever may come.
As I also have tried to explain in the past.. There are times when the information just comes. There is no trying, no opening up... The energy just hits where it hits. Quite usually this happens when it is extremely important that the person receives the message. I have learned threw the years also, that if I do not give the message to the person and say I try to ignore it... The energy stays with me for a very long time until I can release it.
Those who know me, know that I say I am being "Nagged" if you will. The information simply stays with me until I can give it to the person that needs the information. If for some reason I can not give the information to the person, say the person is a stranger or not open to hearing the information, then I have to "close" the door to it.. This to me feels very unnatural though there has been times that I have to just let it go.
When I was young.. I did as young children do, and just blurted out what came to me... Again, threw the years Ive learned not to do that lol... This was a learning thing for me though.. It was not something that I knew in my very early childhood.
These are only but a few things that I wanted to jot down today but I do hope that this bit of information was at least some what helpful.
No, if you sit next to a Psychic, will they always be able to tap into you. Yes, they can if you want them to by asking them to... And even sometimes not. Let me also say, that once in awhile another phenomena happens and we receive nothing at all from your energy.
It quite normally means that we are just as human as the next person. We do not always connect to the energy, we do not always tap into. If there are things that are not meant to be known or known yet.. A psychic will not get the information... It simply just goes to show that yes, as I said.. We're human also.
Also let me quickly explain before I leave for now... That just because a Psychic taps into the information they are getting at the time, does it always mean 100% that they are correct 100%. Just because they see what they see now, does not always mean that the items of events will happen. If you are the seeker looking for answers and say I "feel" that there is an accident on the next corner that you should avoid and I tell you about it... And say perhaps, that you then, do listen to my information and do not cross that corner and the event doesnt happen... It doesnt mean that the Psychic was wrong, it means that some where down the road of things, that the events that were foreseen or felt, were changed, or yet another road was taken.
Asalam A'Lakim!
Nameste'
God be With You
and Blessed be!
Meichelle
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Attitude - Belief - Consciousness
What people dont quite understand, nor "get" -- Is that it is all in attitude -- What you feel, how you look at things -- Everyone wants a better life, tho they continue to stay in their backpacks.. There is no moving forward when you cant let go of the backward. Grief, dishonesty, loss, anger, sadness, resentment and chaos all begin with you. You are the creator of your consciousness -- Stop what you're doing and not just *think* positive -- BE the positive -- Watch how things greatly improve when you resonate with the power of not only "Now" -- But the emotional feelings of -- I am right where I should be, I can do it, there is always a better tomorrow and a better today! Think, exist, learn, expand and clear your mind of unwanted thought. It doesnt have to be this way forever - But it will be forever until a person realizes that what they are putting out to the Universe is coming back to them three fold -- Its a mind set, a way of knowing and BELIEF - Know in your heart that it is possible, and it will be possible <3 *~Meichelle
Friday, September 10, 2010
One Hot Summer Later...
Hey all!! I know its been an awful long while that I've been able to post, but something significant happened over the summer... I've moved!!
I know!! Hooray hooray for me!! LOL!! Actually, this summer has been one of the most complicated Ive had in a notably long while. Between all the boxes and dust,( man there was a lot of dust! >.<) There also came to be a union of two families, mine and my boyfriend. Between children and dogs and anxiousness about what to do with what and how to go about doing it, Uhauls and bags... There were also things to fix and clutter to clear and the heat this year was nearly unbearable. Not to mention.. As everyone knows.. Just the emotional upheaval of the entire idea of moving itself....
Some how though.... One big breath later... And a few more gray hairs....We got threw it all!
Yaaaaay us!!
And thank you to the ones who helped to make it happen =) We couldnt have done it without you.. And you know who you are... {{HUGS}}
One thing Ive not been able to do much in all of this zaniness of summer is be more into my Spiritual work ... Thats about to change... Now with school back in session and a bit more time to work again in Spirit, Im fully looking forward to being able to get back with The Uppers...
With that I will be able to post more ... Share more... And of course, learn more myself... How beautiful is that??
Im truly looking forward to the fall... As the colors of the leaves change, so has my surroundings... And with the cool of the day, my mind relaxes and Im once again the signal and the receptor...
Asalam Alakim my friends... I am back...
I know!! Hooray hooray for me!! LOL!! Actually, this summer has been one of the most complicated Ive had in a notably long while. Between all the boxes and dust,( man there was a lot of dust! >.<) There also came to be a union of two families, mine and my boyfriend. Between children and dogs and anxiousness about what to do with what and how to go about doing it, Uhauls and bags... There were also things to fix and clutter to clear and the heat this year was nearly unbearable. Not to mention.. As everyone knows.. Just the emotional upheaval of the entire idea of moving itself....
Some how though.... One big breath later... And a few more gray hairs....We got threw it all!
Yaaaaay us!!
And thank you to the ones who helped to make it happen =) We couldnt have done it without you.. And you know who you are... {{HUGS}}
One thing Ive not been able to do much in all of this zaniness of summer is be more into my Spiritual work ... Thats about to change... Now with school back in session and a bit more time to work again in Spirit, Im fully looking forward to being able to get back with The Uppers...
With that I will be able to post more ... Share more... And of course, learn more myself... How beautiful is that??
Im truly looking forward to the fall... As the colors of the leaves change, so has my surroundings... And with the cool of the day, my mind relaxes and Im once again the signal and the receptor...
Asalam Alakim my friends... I am back...
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
How to find your Spirituality~
I get asked this all the time... "Meichelle, am I on the right Path? -- Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?" and "How do I find my Spirituality?"
The answer my friends is this: Yes. Simple as that... Yes, you are on the right path. Yes you are where you should be.. Right here... Right now... Right this very moment.
When I talk of Spirituality, I am not just talking about religion. Religion is only but a part of Spirituality. Spirituality is on a much bigger plane.. Spirituality to me, is The Universe.. That God source that lives within each and every of us. That full blown energy of all energies... After all.. We are all energies in and of ourselves and in and of the God source.
In order to find the God source within yourself.. You must look inside. Look deep within yourself.. After all.. You know *you* better than anyone does. Its that life force.. That conscious knowing.. That "gut" feeling.
Ask yourself this.... What fits for you? What doesnt fit?? One of my motto's when it concerns this is: "Take what you need, leave the rest behind". Meaning... Take what fits for you.. And if it doesnt fit, if it doesnt feel right to you... Then its not for you. That doesnt mean its wrong.. Or that you're wrong.. Or that the next person is wrong. It means simply, it doesnt fit for you. Nothing wrong with that.
There is no right and wrong ways to be Spiritual. What works for you, may not work for someone else and vise versa. Its being in tune with yourself.. And in being in tune with yourself and your inner self... That Balance... You will find your inner soul. Let me make this clear... Spirituality doesnt happen over night. Sometimes it takes weeks, months, years... To get to a place where you feel absolutely comfortable with yourself and your inner being... Or for some, making peace with that inner brat.
However, it is absolutely essential to be in tune with your inner self. Once you can be in tune with your own energies, it allows you to be in tune with the God Source energy... Make sense??
This can not happen without you doing any sort of "homework" on yourself... This can not happen if you dont look, if you dont try.. If you dont put the work into it.. This is work my friends.. Its working on our souls to advance to the next higher level.
And there are levels.. Levels of awareness.. Levels of Spiritual awareness. Some find it early on in life.. Right off the bat, others take a long time to find it.. Still others may never find it. The ones that do not find it ever, are the ones that are not true to themselves and or to their God Source. Nothing wrong with that either... So long as they are comfortable with it. As I said, there are not right and wrong ways.
But you can not wish for something so hard and not put work into it. You can not pray for something so hard and expect it to be handed to you.. If this was the case, then every one would have those winning lottery numbers. What Im saying is if you want it, theres got to be appreciation for it in some way. God.. Or The Universe.. Is not going to give you something if you didnt appreciate it. It doesnt work like that.
Even in our hardest moments... As much as we dont like that particular lesson.. One must some how walk away with some type of appreciation.. After all, no matter how hard the moment.. They are still all lessons. And just because something doesnt work out, or you have a bad day, or if someone says something that you disagree with... You still learn from that do you not?? You learn not just from that bad day.. But you learn other things as well..
Lets take this deeper.. If say, for example.. You're having a bad day.. And you walk away with it feeling... Well Ive learned not to do such and such or I learned not to trust or not do or whatever the case may be...
Look further. Take a step back and ask yourself... "Why did that happen to begin with? What is the silver lining in this? Why did it make me feel the way that it did??" In good or bad for that matter. Learning to appreciate everything, come what may.. Is giant.. Not just appreciating the little things.. But appreciating everything. The All of everything. Appreciate waking up in the morning, appreciate the air you breath, appreciate the life that you have, the loves that are in your life.. And yes... Even the losses... Even the hardships...
Hardships are there to make one stronger. A lot of people dont understand this. You cant teach... What you do not know... In other words... If you have not been at that place to begin with... How can you help another?? Also..... When we are struggling.. That is when we are learning the most. If we did not have that struggle, we wouldnt get anything out of it. If you're handed $100 you appreciate being handed $100.. But if you work for it, and you deserve it.. Then you appreciate it even more so. Make sense?? If you can appreciate the little things, it makes you appreciate the bigger things even more so.
So I guess what Im saying here is in part to be Spiritual, and to find your Spiritual path... One must A) Work for your desires.. B) Look at everything, appreciate everything, even your losses and C) Learn to love yourself...
Asalam Alakim my friends...
The answer my friends is this: Yes. Simple as that... Yes, you are on the right path. Yes you are where you should be.. Right here... Right now... Right this very moment.
When I talk of Spirituality, I am not just talking about religion. Religion is only but a part of Spirituality. Spirituality is on a much bigger plane.. Spirituality to me, is The Universe.. That God source that lives within each and every of us. That full blown energy of all energies... After all.. We are all energies in and of ourselves and in and of the God source.
In order to find the God source within yourself.. You must look inside. Look deep within yourself.. After all.. You know *you* better than anyone does. Its that life force.. That conscious knowing.. That "gut" feeling.
Ask yourself this.... What fits for you? What doesnt fit?? One of my motto's when it concerns this is: "Take what you need, leave the rest behind". Meaning... Take what fits for you.. And if it doesnt fit, if it doesnt feel right to you... Then its not for you. That doesnt mean its wrong.. Or that you're wrong.. Or that the next person is wrong. It means simply, it doesnt fit for you. Nothing wrong with that.
There is no right and wrong ways to be Spiritual. What works for you, may not work for someone else and vise versa. Its being in tune with yourself.. And in being in tune with yourself and your inner self... That Balance... You will find your inner soul. Let me make this clear... Spirituality doesnt happen over night. Sometimes it takes weeks, months, years... To get to a place where you feel absolutely comfortable with yourself and your inner being... Or for some, making peace with that inner brat.
However, it is absolutely essential to be in tune with your inner self. Once you can be in tune with your own energies, it allows you to be in tune with the God Source energy... Make sense??
This can not happen without you doing any sort of "homework" on yourself... This can not happen if you dont look, if you dont try.. If you dont put the work into it.. This is work my friends.. Its working on our souls to advance to the next higher level.
And there are levels.. Levels of awareness.. Levels of Spiritual awareness. Some find it early on in life.. Right off the bat, others take a long time to find it.. Still others may never find it. The ones that do not find it ever, are the ones that are not true to themselves and or to their God Source. Nothing wrong with that either... So long as they are comfortable with it. As I said, there are not right and wrong ways.
But you can not wish for something so hard and not put work into it. You can not pray for something so hard and expect it to be handed to you.. If this was the case, then every one would have those winning lottery numbers. What Im saying is if you want it, theres got to be appreciation for it in some way. God.. Or The Universe.. Is not going to give you something if you didnt appreciate it. It doesnt work like that.
Even in our hardest moments... As much as we dont like that particular lesson.. One must some how walk away with some type of appreciation.. After all, no matter how hard the moment.. They are still all lessons. And just because something doesnt work out, or you have a bad day, or if someone says something that you disagree with... You still learn from that do you not?? You learn not just from that bad day.. But you learn other things as well..
Lets take this deeper.. If say, for example.. You're having a bad day.. And you walk away with it feeling... Well Ive learned not to do such and such or I learned not to trust or not do or whatever the case may be...
Look further. Take a step back and ask yourself... "Why did that happen to begin with? What is the silver lining in this? Why did it make me feel the way that it did??" In good or bad for that matter. Learning to appreciate everything, come what may.. Is giant.. Not just appreciating the little things.. But appreciating everything. The All of everything. Appreciate waking up in the morning, appreciate the air you breath, appreciate the life that you have, the loves that are in your life.. And yes... Even the losses... Even the hardships...
Hardships are there to make one stronger. A lot of people dont understand this. You cant teach... What you do not know... In other words... If you have not been at that place to begin with... How can you help another?? Also..... When we are struggling.. That is when we are learning the most. If we did not have that struggle, we wouldnt get anything out of it. If you're handed $100 you appreciate being handed $100.. But if you work for it, and you deserve it.. Then you appreciate it even more so. Make sense?? If you can appreciate the little things, it makes you appreciate the bigger things even more so.
So I guess what Im saying here is in part to be Spiritual, and to find your Spiritual path... One must A) Work for your desires.. B) Look at everything, appreciate everything, even your losses and C) Learn to love yourself...
Asalam Alakim my friends...
Monday, April 12, 2010
Meditation - April 12, 2010
Meditation April 12, 2010
I meditated today for a long length of time.. And when I do this to connect to the Uppers, what I envision is a big heavy wooden door, and around the door is ivy and such... And for whatever reasons, it floats... When I pull back the door, inside is an all white/silver large room, with one door on either side of the far end of the room... There are also 4 large white pillars that create a sort of a hallway so to speak... The floor is lined with bright white Ivory tile... And in the middle of the room is a podium that over looks several rows of white bench like alter seats... Behind the seats is a very very large sort of bay window.. That if I were to look out of... I could see the purple Universe and all its very colorful energies there.... Normally I walk to the podium and I ask for my guides to come to me.. And this is what I did today when I approached it..
This time when I did.... Four Uppers appeared through the door this time... All in white, all male and female alike... They were dressed in long flowing white gowns... Faceless but full of love and happiness... With bright white aura’s... I could feel love radiating through them all as they surrounded me... They felt a lot like warm sunshine in my face on a nice summer day... And they were happy that I asked for them to come today... I waited and quietly laid down with them surrounding me... All together they were there, they felt and warm and caring and eager to talk with me...
My first message was "Trust" ...... Trust in myself and who I am... My second message was "Healing"... That I had been brought to a place of emotional healing and that it was going to become stronger and better and that the people in my life were there to also learn "healing".. Through myself with them, they asked for me to "heal".. I accepted the offer... My question to them today tho was "what is my real name?" ..... They responded, "Meichelle -- Who is God Like".... And I said no... That is not what I mean... What is my souls name... And one came closer to me than the others... And he said.... "Ona"...... I asked him then, "Who is Ona?" And he said, "Ona is you - Favored Grace"....
So after staying there with them a long time... Just feeling calm and loved and being in their presence and vise versa and letting my mind expand and just “be“. with them.. I came out of the meditation and I looked up online, just now... What the name "Ona" meant.... And very much to my surprise... Was this:
Gender:
Girl
Origin: Hebrew Meaning; Grace; favor
Origin: Latin Meaning; Grace; favor
Origin; Sanskrit Meaning; Grace
Origin Sanskrit
Used in: Lithuanian speaking countries
Also while meditating, the Uppers spoke a few other things... “You are Loved” and to “Share this” ... And that Dave and I were brought together for emotional healing. That we were meant to be together for these reasons. To be gentle with one another and to trust one another.. That it was a good thing for both of us.
I also got pictures in my mind from the Uppers of purple swirls that went into the shapes of stars .. And I also got pictures of the new house and of Eagles flying high.... I also seen the kids playing and running around at the new property.. And that we were happy, all of us...
The four Uppers said that they were there to also heal my back... And I asked them also if they could help me stop smoking too, and they said that I was not ready to stopping smoking but in time, when I was ready, that they would be there to help me along the way.
At the very very end it was only the 5 of us.... Them standing around me radiating love and compassion.. Encircling me in bright white light that didnt hurt my eyes .. They told me when I awoke from the meditation to be careful, that I might feel light headed for awhile because they were visiting with me... And just like that, they were gone.
When I opened my eyes out of the meditation, I did feel a bit light headed but made sure to pass along the message they had “You are Loved” to Dave and to Cindy. I felt a strong pull that these two especially needed to hear these words...
I meditated today for a long length of time.. And when I do this to connect to the Uppers, what I envision is a big heavy wooden door, and around the door is ivy and such... And for whatever reasons, it floats... When I pull back the door, inside is an all white/silver large room, with one door on either side of the far end of the room... There are also 4 large white pillars that create a sort of a hallway so to speak... The floor is lined with bright white Ivory tile... And in the middle of the room is a podium that over looks several rows of white bench like alter seats... Behind the seats is a very very large sort of bay window.. That if I were to look out of... I could see the purple Universe and all its very colorful energies there.... Normally I walk to the podium and I ask for my guides to come to me.. And this is what I did today when I approached it..
This time when I did.... Four Uppers appeared through the door this time... All in white, all male and female alike... They were dressed in long flowing white gowns... Faceless but full of love and happiness... With bright white aura’s... I could feel love radiating through them all as they surrounded me... They felt a lot like warm sunshine in my face on a nice summer day... And they were happy that I asked for them to come today... I waited and quietly laid down with them surrounding me... All together they were there, they felt and warm and caring and eager to talk with me...
My first message was "Trust" ...... Trust in myself and who I am... My second message was "Healing"... That I had been brought to a place of emotional healing and that it was going to become stronger and better and that the people in my life were there to also learn "healing".. Through myself with them, they asked for me to "heal".. I accepted the offer... My question to them today tho was "what is my real name?" ..... They responded, "Meichelle -- Who is God Like".... And I said no... That is not what I mean... What is my souls name... And one came closer to me than the others... And he said.... "Ona"...... I asked him then, "Who is Ona?" And he said, "Ona is you - Favored Grace"....
So after staying there with them a long time... Just feeling calm and loved and being in their presence and vise versa and letting my mind expand and just “be“. with them.. I came out of the meditation and I looked up online, just now... What the name "Ona" meant.... And very much to my surprise... Was this:
Gender:
Girl
Origin: Hebrew Meaning; Grace; favor
Origin: Latin Meaning; Grace; favor
Origin; Sanskrit Meaning; Grace
Origin Sanskrit
Used in: Lithuanian speaking countries
Also while meditating, the Uppers spoke a few other things... “You are Loved” and to “Share this” ... And that Dave and I were brought together for emotional healing. That we were meant to be together for these reasons. To be gentle with one another and to trust one another.. That it was a good thing for both of us.
I also got pictures in my mind from the Uppers of purple swirls that went into the shapes of stars .. And I also got pictures of the new house and of Eagles flying high.... I also seen the kids playing and running around at the new property.. And that we were happy, all of us...
The four Uppers said that they were there to also heal my back... And I asked them also if they could help me stop smoking too, and they said that I was not ready to stopping smoking but in time, when I was ready, that they would be there to help me along the way.
At the very very end it was only the 5 of us.... Them standing around me radiating love and compassion.. Encircling me in bright white light that didnt hurt my eyes .. They told me when I awoke from the meditation to be careful, that I might feel light headed for awhile because they were visiting with me... And just like that, they were gone.
When I opened my eyes out of the meditation, I did feel a bit light headed but made sure to pass along the message they had “You are Loved” to Dave and to Cindy. I felt a strong pull that these two especially needed to hear these words...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Path of The Pyschic... Dreams
For as long as I can remember, I've always had intuitive dreams. People, places, things.. All come to me in dreams. Not every dream mind you. But from time to time. Ive started my own private dreaming journal on my hard drive, that I will not post here. I may in time decide to add a dream in here if I am called to do it.
A lot of poeple have asked me how this works and to be honest with you, Im not exactly sure myself. I do know that there are differences from when Im dreaming just to dream, and when Im dreaming and receiving information.
When I am dreaming and getting information from The Uppers, the dream is crystal clear. There is no doubt, and there is no wonder if this is a precognition dream. Its an awareness of my surroundings. They are very rich and lavish right down to the very detail, smells and sounds. Its knowing that I am dreaming. Sometimes I get very specific symbols in dreams, other times I may get a passed on loved one that has a message for another person, or for myself. These dreams stand out profusely. I can not begin to tell you just how many dreams I have had that have come true in some form or the other.
Quite normally if I have one of these dreams I jump from bed to computer and write them down immediately, sometimes I send them out to the people that they belong to. Sometimes I send them to a few people at one time because Im not exactly sure who it is for, only that it is meant for someone.. So rather than leave anyone out, I send them out to everyone in my list of contacts.
People have also asked me how to begin trying to do this also. The best answer I can give someone who is looking to do this is to start writing every dream down that you can remember. Keep a dream diary of sorts and leave no tid bit out. Sometimes the smallest tid bit is the most important. And like I tell everyone, sometimes if you are dreaming about an Elephant walking in tall grass, carrying a peanut... The dream could be the elephant...... It could be the tall grass... Or it could be about the peanut.
When I am doing dream interpretation for another person, I take out what "feels" the strongest to me. Sometimes its the peanut, sometimes its the elephant. It all depends on the person. I also ask myself questions. The most important question I ask is, "Who is this dream for?" The person that first pops into your head is the one that the dream is for. However, if you're like me, you know so many people that it can be confusing. Thats when I'll end up sending the dream out to everyone on my list, but oftentimes I do know who the dream is for.
Remote viewing...
There has been a time or two that I have dreampt of far away places. Eygpt, Europe, The Holy Lands.. Sometimes when I lived far away from my parents I would dream of being with them. This is what I call remote viewing.
Remote viewing is as described in Wikipedia; "Remote viewing (RV) is the purported ability to gather information about a distant or unseen target using paranormal means or extra-sensory perception. Typically a remote viewer is expected to give information about an object that is hidden from physical view and separated at some distance"
Some people can do this through meditation. Some people can do this through dreaming. There are a view ways of being able to remote view. It happens within the deep Theta and deep Delta Level of your dream. (or meditation). In order to get there one has to be exceptionally open to the topic. Just like dreams and dream interpretation, you should try to keep a remote viewing journal/diary as well. And be patient. Nothing comes at the drop of a hat.
If you're going to do this through mediation, I would suggest that you pick a place that is very common to you. Some place that has very strong and bold features. And by all means, keep trying.
Which brings me to astral projection.
Much like remote viewing, Astral projection is another form of out of body projection. As defined by Wikipedia; Astral projection (or astral travel) is an esoteric interpretation of any form of out-of-body experience (OOBE) that assumes the existence of an "astral body" separate from the physical body and capable of travelling outside it.[1] Astral projection or travel denotes the astral body leaving the physical body to travel in the astral plane.
They are both very much one in the same as you can tell from the definintions. For me, I can normally tell the difference between the two when dreaming. Astral projection for me is like floating in the area that Im in. I can be there and not be seen. Lets not HollyWood this. In fact, let me touch lightly on this topic..
What you see in movies is just that.... In movies. HollyWood has portrayed the psychic and the intiutive all in the wrong light and really makes it tough for the real folks out there that these things happen to. HollyWood is just that... HollyWood. There might be bits and half truths to what they are doing in the movie, but chances are you will not fly through the air like a ghost in the movie Scrooge and go to these places by the touch of a Ghostly apparition. Its just not going to happen folks! Yes there are tiny bits that are true. But no, most of it is just that, HollyWood.
So what you see in movies or on TV, please take with a grain of salt. Yes it would be lovely to blow up an ex-spouse or a horrible person by just flipping your fingers out at them, blowing them up and wiggling your nose to have them desperse away for ever more! But it just does not work like that! So put all those thoughts away right now and continue on with what Im trying to explain.
Dreams for many of us are our sub conscience way of dealing with our day to day reality and reviving the mind and body. Psychic dreams are (for me anyway) the way to reach another and either forwarn them, or elate them, or possibly both. Its tricky business and the interpretation is not always the same for each and every person. Some poeple come to me to have their dreams interpreted because they themselves can not figure it out for one reason or the other.
Ask yourself while you're writing your dream journal these questions as well..
What were you feeling at the time of your dream?
What were you thinking?
Where you afraid, happy or confused or all of the above??
These are just a few examples to start you up.
A lot of poeple have asked me how this works and to be honest with you, Im not exactly sure myself. I do know that there are differences from when Im dreaming just to dream, and when Im dreaming and receiving information.
When I am dreaming and getting information from The Uppers, the dream is crystal clear. There is no doubt, and there is no wonder if this is a precognition dream. Its an awareness of my surroundings. They are very rich and lavish right down to the very detail, smells and sounds. Its knowing that I am dreaming. Sometimes I get very specific symbols in dreams, other times I may get a passed on loved one that has a message for another person, or for myself. These dreams stand out profusely. I can not begin to tell you just how many dreams I have had that have come true in some form or the other.
Quite normally if I have one of these dreams I jump from bed to computer and write them down immediately, sometimes I send them out to the people that they belong to. Sometimes I send them to a few people at one time because Im not exactly sure who it is for, only that it is meant for someone.. So rather than leave anyone out, I send them out to everyone in my list of contacts.
People have also asked me how to begin trying to do this also. The best answer I can give someone who is looking to do this is to start writing every dream down that you can remember. Keep a dream diary of sorts and leave no tid bit out. Sometimes the smallest tid bit is the most important. And like I tell everyone, sometimes if you are dreaming about an Elephant walking in tall grass, carrying a peanut... The dream could be the elephant...... It could be the tall grass... Or it could be about the peanut.
When I am doing dream interpretation for another person, I take out what "feels" the strongest to me. Sometimes its the peanut, sometimes its the elephant. It all depends on the person. I also ask myself questions. The most important question I ask is, "Who is this dream for?" The person that first pops into your head is the one that the dream is for. However, if you're like me, you know so many people that it can be confusing. Thats when I'll end up sending the dream out to everyone on my list, but oftentimes I do know who the dream is for.
Remote viewing...
There has been a time or two that I have dreampt of far away places. Eygpt, Europe, The Holy Lands.. Sometimes when I lived far away from my parents I would dream of being with them. This is what I call remote viewing.
Remote viewing is as described in Wikipedia; "Remote viewing (RV) is the purported ability to gather information about a distant or unseen target using paranormal means or extra-sensory perception. Typically a remote viewer is expected to give information about an object that is hidden from physical view and separated at some distance"
Some people can do this through meditation. Some people can do this through dreaming. There are a view ways of being able to remote view. It happens within the deep Theta and deep Delta Level of your dream. (or meditation). In order to get there one has to be exceptionally open to the topic. Just like dreams and dream interpretation, you should try to keep a remote viewing journal/diary as well. And be patient. Nothing comes at the drop of a hat.
If you're going to do this through mediation, I would suggest that you pick a place that is very common to you. Some place that has very strong and bold features. And by all means, keep trying.
Which brings me to astral projection.
Much like remote viewing, Astral projection is another form of out of body projection. As defined by Wikipedia; Astral projection (or astral travel) is an esoteric interpretation of any form of out-of-body experience (OOBE) that assumes the existence of an "astral body" separate from the physical body and capable of travelling outside it.[1] Astral projection or travel denotes the astral body leaving the physical body to travel in the astral plane.
They are both very much one in the same as you can tell from the definintions. For me, I can normally tell the difference between the two when dreaming. Astral projection for me is like floating in the area that Im in. I can be there and not be seen. Lets not HollyWood this. In fact, let me touch lightly on this topic..
What you see in movies is just that.... In movies. HollyWood has portrayed the psychic and the intiutive all in the wrong light and really makes it tough for the real folks out there that these things happen to. HollyWood is just that... HollyWood. There might be bits and half truths to what they are doing in the movie, but chances are you will not fly through the air like a ghost in the movie Scrooge and go to these places by the touch of a Ghostly apparition. Its just not going to happen folks! Yes there are tiny bits that are true. But no, most of it is just that, HollyWood.
So what you see in movies or on TV, please take with a grain of salt. Yes it would be lovely to blow up an ex-spouse or a horrible person by just flipping your fingers out at them, blowing them up and wiggling your nose to have them desperse away for ever more! But it just does not work like that! So put all those thoughts away right now and continue on with what Im trying to explain.
Dreams for many of us are our sub conscience way of dealing with our day to day reality and reviving the mind and body. Psychic dreams are (for me anyway) the way to reach another and either forwarn them, or elate them, or possibly both. Its tricky business and the interpretation is not always the same for each and every person. Some poeple come to me to have their dreams interpreted because they themselves can not figure it out for one reason or the other.
Ask yourself while you're writing your dream journal these questions as well..
What were you feeling at the time of your dream?
What were you thinking?
Where you afraid, happy or confused or all of the above??
These are just a few examples to start you up.
First Post
Someone told me a while ago that we all have a story inside of us.. I believe that I have a few. This blog will show you in not so many words or too many words even, depending on how long you like to read... Just how many stories reside in the depths of my psyche and the inspiration that creates them. I am a lot like you.. I am quite normal in my thinking, but quite un-normal at the same time. My individuality is unique and my spirit is strong. Dont get me wrong, Ive got my moments haha.. The many sides of a person include character designs of shadows... I am no different. I claim not to be better than any one else and my openness is so much so that I have been told in the past that my brain should fall out!
I have had this blog for a while now.. Just sitting here in my list of favorites, knowing that I want to journal, but not really knowing where to start.. Until the day that one of my good friends mentioned that phrase to me.. That we all have a story inside of us. I thought, "Thats a great way of thinking! Of course we do!"
So with that said, let me start my journal on the basis of my childhood.
I was born and raised in a very small town in Ohio.. My earliest recollection is that of a small apartment dwelling with my two parents. I remember the apartment to be small and on top of yet another apartment. As if it were two homes, one on the bottom, one up top. To my best relocation, we lived in the top apartment. I say this because as a very very young child, I can remember my Mother carrying me up the stairs of the building and looking down past her shoulder and being afraid of being so high up. I also remember the kitchen and some of the living area.. The kitchen was yellow and they sat me in a high chair close to the refrigerator. I remember the high chair not being very comfortable either. I remember that I did not like it and that I could not understand why I was there. I remember as well the kitchen window being to my right and being able to see out to some sort of tree or the other... I recall that to my left was a door way that led to another room and to the right and center was the table where my parents would sit. The living area was also small, but I remember the carpet being rough on my skin and how much I did not care for it. It seemed that I did not know why I was there to begin with at all and did these people not understand that I was not who they thought I was?? I felt very confused in my way of thinking. I also remember a time or two in the crib of my room, toys were here and there and there was a particular stuffed rabbit that I was interested in. I remember that I liked the woman in the house very much because she always talked to me and had a smile on her face even tho at the time I did not quite understand the language.
All of these memories, as I come to find out much later on through my Mother, were that of me being younger than the age of 1yr old.
I remember a lot of my childhood and my very young years.. And I always seemed to be the odd one out. I remember the day that they brought my brother home to the new house that we moved into. How dare they??Did they not know *still* who I was?? I felt as if I were trapped in a very young body and I didnt know how to relay my thoughts. I went with the flow. I did not like the younger brother and I particularly didnt like that the woman made such a fuss over him. He was small and loud and sometimes he smelled funny. I wished that they would have taken him back to where ever they got him from. These were the thoughts that I had when I was 3yrs old.
I grew into a quiet child.. I played mostly on my own, but I had a few friends from time to time. None of them knew me and I didnt understand that either. Why do they not know me?? I expected everyone to know who I was and no one seemed to know! I was extremely frustrated! I knew things that most children my age did not. I could expect and know things that were about to happen.. I felt a very strong bond with what I later called "The Uppers"... I never felt my age and the children that were my age only disappointed me.. Sometimes I felt resentful and discouraged.. I was in small body and knew that I shouldnt be. I knew that I was much older, why didnt every one else? I tried very hard to "hang out" with the adults only to be told to go play with the younger children. What was this??? So I mostly sat and listened to them because they would not sit and listen to me.
I was the odd one out, the strange child who knew things.. The kid that had this uncanny way about her. Adults did not understand.. Children my age didnt even try. I felt very alone at times and didnt comprehend.. These adults should know who I was but didnt. I always felt so much older than my age.. I began talking to angels. I knew they were there, and not only did I know... I knew they heard me, just as well as I heard them... I also knew that they brought me to this place and through them I tried to understand more of my surroundings.. It worked for awhile.. For a long time I thought that others were just like me. Knowing and hearing the things that I did.. Until one day, my grandmother on my fathers side took me to church with her.
It was time she said, for me to learn about God and Jesus. I loved my grandmother dearly and she always made the best homemade cookies so I wanted very much to please her. I went to sunday school every week while she went to church in another part of this, what seemed to me at the time to be... an enormous building.. And there, I had to sit straight and proper and stay in my seat (which was incredibly hard for me) and listen and learn about the one they called Jesus and another they called God. I was probably right around the age of 3 or 4yrs old. I remember mostly because I had not yet started elementary school. And as usual in a sunday school, there were bible stories and lectures... I was completely bored. I knew in my small mind that there was much more to this than what they were trying to teach me. I confronted my Grandmother.. Surely she would know! Because I wasnt completely buying into this entire, "God so loved the world that he sent his only beloved son" nor "Jesus dying for our sins". Why I thought, be a martyr for the entire world?? Only in my little mind, it came out more like... "Why would this person do this??" Sounded pretty silly to me..
Of course my Grandmother, bless her heart .. Had a reason for it... Because he loved us, thats why!
Well that didnt sound right to me either... The man didnt even know me! And thats what I asked her. Why would he love me so much that he would die for me? Her reasoning still didnt make sense.. She said he died for my sins. But I hadnt created any sins I told her. Finally to try and appease me, my Grandmother took me to the minister where I could quiz him too. The minister seemed to me to be a great man.. A really big man.. Someone that another could talk to and would make sense of things... Only.. He still made no sense to me. My Grandmother told him about me, and said that I had questions and explained my questions to him.. Im sure he did the best he could.. But still... He went on to say that Jesus died for us so that we could be forgiven and go to Heaven.
"But why do we need to be forgiven?" I asked him. I couldnt recall a time that I did anything so wrong that I would not go back to the source... He smiled at me as if I were such a cute little curious thing and he said that mankind sinned against God.. And he said that God was Infinate and Holy and Righteous. And that God must punish the sinner and that if he didnt punish the sinner, then his law was not law at all, and that theres consequences for breaking laws. Especially God's laws... And that the punishment for breaking God's law was separation from God and not getting into Heaven. So he sent Jesus to us to forgive all of mankinds sins so that who so ever choose to keep and serve the Lord, would get into Heaven.
Sounded a lot to me (and still does haha) that the minister was talking in circles and really didnt know what to say to this curious minded child.
So...
I told him that he was wrong. I told him that I could not have sinned because I was a kid.. I told him that if there really and truly was a God, that it didnt make sense to me that everyone sinned. How can everyone sin?? I told him that was stupid and that it didnt make sense. What about a baby?? A baby could not be a sinner because it was too young to do anything wrong.
The minister being quite startled, tried to explain to me that just by being born a person has sinned. I remember staring at the man... "How can that be??!!" Even tho at the time I was thinking back on my baby brother at the house there with my Mom and thinking that if God wanted to take any child for being a sinner, that maybe I'd luck out and he'd take that one! God never did tho... But I wanted answers to my questions and he kept giving me riddles and talking down to me as if I was really that 3 or 4yr old child. He went on to say that the only one who could do what he wanted, was God himself. Apparently the minister did not know who I was either! How disapointing!!
I think my Grandmother might of pulled me out of Sunday School that very day because of the questions I had for the minister and the way that I talked to him. Tho I didnt mean to, I think I might have unknowingly embarassed her, but the minister still did not make sense to me, and neither did this entire church buisness either. Maybe too, I just didnt want to go back. I knew then and there, that there was more to what this church and Sunday school was teaching and I wanted to get to the bottom of it... I knew it.. Because the angels told me so...
As I was growing up, adults seemed to me to be confusing.. Always saying one thing and doing another. I watched them all the time. Some of the things the grown ups did or said, just like the things that were being taught in Sunday school, just didnt make sense! And the minister was no different. I thought it was really sad that my Grandmother looked up to this person! Tho initially, I thought he was supposed to be special because he got to wear the cool robe and boasted loud and thundering from him podium, Hell fire and brimstone, Gloom and Doom to the ones who wont follow Jesus!
But this business with God punishing people for being sinners when they didnt do anything wrong was beyond me. The minister himself said that the only one who could do what he wanted was God himself! But at Sunday school we were being taught that we are not to be arrogant or jealous... This God that the Minister talked about sure did sound arrogant and jealous to me. Why would this God be so jealous and arrogant?? Was he afraid someone would come along and know the real answers???
Apparently these humans thought I was "new"!
And this is where my journey for truly finding out came to be...
I was not the person that the adults thought I was.. I was not the person that my Grandmother or the Minister thought I was... I knew there was more to everything... The angels that I spoke with told me that there was far much more than what any human could ever understand... And after this, my thoughts were... If this was not proof to me, I dont know what would have been. I knew the angels were right... And I was out to find out as much as I possibly could..
I have had this blog for a while now.. Just sitting here in my list of favorites, knowing that I want to journal, but not really knowing where to start.. Until the day that one of my good friends mentioned that phrase to me.. That we all have a story inside of us. I thought, "Thats a great way of thinking! Of course we do!"
So with that said, let me start my journal on the basis of my childhood.
I was born and raised in a very small town in Ohio.. My earliest recollection is that of a small apartment dwelling with my two parents. I remember the apartment to be small and on top of yet another apartment. As if it were two homes, one on the bottom, one up top. To my best relocation, we lived in the top apartment. I say this because as a very very young child, I can remember my Mother carrying me up the stairs of the building and looking down past her shoulder and being afraid of being so high up. I also remember the kitchen and some of the living area.. The kitchen was yellow and they sat me in a high chair close to the refrigerator. I remember the high chair not being very comfortable either. I remember that I did not like it and that I could not understand why I was there. I remember as well the kitchen window being to my right and being able to see out to some sort of tree or the other... I recall that to my left was a door way that led to another room and to the right and center was the table where my parents would sit. The living area was also small, but I remember the carpet being rough on my skin and how much I did not care for it. It seemed that I did not know why I was there to begin with at all and did these people not understand that I was not who they thought I was?? I felt very confused in my way of thinking. I also remember a time or two in the crib of my room, toys were here and there and there was a particular stuffed rabbit that I was interested in. I remember that I liked the woman in the house very much because she always talked to me and had a smile on her face even tho at the time I did not quite understand the language.
All of these memories, as I come to find out much later on through my Mother, were that of me being younger than the age of 1yr old.
I remember a lot of my childhood and my very young years.. And I always seemed to be the odd one out. I remember the day that they brought my brother home to the new house that we moved into. How dare they??Did they not know *still* who I was?? I felt as if I were trapped in a very young body and I didnt know how to relay my thoughts. I went with the flow. I did not like the younger brother and I particularly didnt like that the woman made such a fuss over him. He was small and loud and sometimes he smelled funny. I wished that they would have taken him back to where ever they got him from. These were the thoughts that I had when I was 3yrs old.
I grew into a quiet child.. I played mostly on my own, but I had a few friends from time to time. None of them knew me and I didnt understand that either. Why do they not know me?? I expected everyone to know who I was and no one seemed to know! I was extremely frustrated! I knew things that most children my age did not. I could expect and know things that were about to happen.. I felt a very strong bond with what I later called "The Uppers"... I never felt my age and the children that were my age only disappointed me.. Sometimes I felt resentful and discouraged.. I was in small body and knew that I shouldnt be. I knew that I was much older, why didnt every one else? I tried very hard to "hang out" with the adults only to be told to go play with the younger children. What was this??? So I mostly sat and listened to them because they would not sit and listen to me.
I was the odd one out, the strange child who knew things.. The kid that had this uncanny way about her. Adults did not understand.. Children my age didnt even try. I felt very alone at times and didnt comprehend.. These adults should know who I was but didnt. I always felt so much older than my age.. I began talking to angels. I knew they were there, and not only did I know... I knew they heard me, just as well as I heard them... I also knew that they brought me to this place and through them I tried to understand more of my surroundings.. It worked for awhile.. For a long time I thought that others were just like me. Knowing and hearing the things that I did.. Until one day, my grandmother on my fathers side took me to church with her.
It was time she said, for me to learn about God and Jesus. I loved my grandmother dearly and she always made the best homemade cookies so I wanted very much to please her. I went to sunday school every week while she went to church in another part of this, what seemed to me at the time to be... an enormous building.. And there, I had to sit straight and proper and stay in my seat (which was incredibly hard for me) and listen and learn about the one they called Jesus and another they called God. I was probably right around the age of 3 or 4yrs old. I remember mostly because I had not yet started elementary school. And as usual in a sunday school, there were bible stories and lectures... I was completely bored. I knew in my small mind that there was much more to this than what they were trying to teach me. I confronted my Grandmother.. Surely she would know! Because I wasnt completely buying into this entire, "God so loved the world that he sent his only beloved son" nor "Jesus dying for our sins". Why I thought, be a martyr for the entire world?? Only in my little mind, it came out more like... "Why would this person do this??" Sounded pretty silly to me..
Of course my Grandmother, bless her heart .. Had a reason for it... Because he loved us, thats why!
Well that didnt sound right to me either... The man didnt even know me! And thats what I asked her. Why would he love me so much that he would die for me? Her reasoning still didnt make sense.. She said he died for my sins. But I hadnt created any sins I told her. Finally to try and appease me, my Grandmother took me to the minister where I could quiz him too. The minister seemed to me to be a great man.. A really big man.. Someone that another could talk to and would make sense of things... Only.. He still made no sense to me. My Grandmother told him about me, and said that I had questions and explained my questions to him.. Im sure he did the best he could.. But still... He went on to say that Jesus died for us so that we could be forgiven and go to Heaven.
"But why do we need to be forgiven?" I asked him. I couldnt recall a time that I did anything so wrong that I would not go back to the source... He smiled at me as if I were such a cute little curious thing and he said that mankind sinned against God.. And he said that God was Infinate and Holy and Righteous. And that God must punish the sinner and that if he didnt punish the sinner, then his law was not law at all, and that theres consequences for breaking laws. Especially God's laws... And that the punishment for breaking God's law was separation from God and not getting into Heaven. So he sent Jesus to us to forgive all of mankinds sins so that who so ever choose to keep and serve the Lord, would get into Heaven.
Sounded a lot to me (and still does haha) that the minister was talking in circles and really didnt know what to say to this curious minded child.
So...
I told him that he was wrong. I told him that I could not have sinned because I was a kid.. I told him that if there really and truly was a God, that it didnt make sense to me that everyone sinned. How can everyone sin?? I told him that was stupid and that it didnt make sense. What about a baby?? A baby could not be a sinner because it was too young to do anything wrong.
The minister being quite startled, tried to explain to me that just by being born a person has sinned. I remember staring at the man... "How can that be??!!" Even tho at the time I was thinking back on my baby brother at the house there with my Mom and thinking that if God wanted to take any child for being a sinner, that maybe I'd luck out and he'd take that one! God never did tho... But I wanted answers to my questions and he kept giving me riddles and talking down to me as if I was really that 3 or 4yr old child. He went on to say that the only one who could do what he wanted, was God himself. Apparently the minister did not know who I was either! How disapointing!!
I think my Grandmother might of pulled me out of Sunday School that very day because of the questions I had for the minister and the way that I talked to him. Tho I didnt mean to, I think I might have unknowingly embarassed her, but the minister still did not make sense to me, and neither did this entire church buisness either. Maybe too, I just didnt want to go back. I knew then and there, that there was more to what this church and Sunday school was teaching and I wanted to get to the bottom of it... I knew it.. Because the angels told me so...
As I was growing up, adults seemed to me to be confusing.. Always saying one thing and doing another. I watched them all the time. Some of the things the grown ups did or said, just like the things that were being taught in Sunday school, just didnt make sense! And the minister was no different. I thought it was really sad that my Grandmother looked up to this person! Tho initially, I thought he was supposed to be special because he got to wear the cool robe and boasted loud and thundering from him podium, Hell fire and brimstone, Gloom and Doom to the ones who wont follow Jesus!
But this business with God punishing people for being sinners when they didnt do anything wrong was beyond me. The minister himself said that the only one who could do what he wanted was God himself! But at Sunday school we were being taught that we are not to be arrogant or jealous... This God that the Minister talked about sure did sound arrogant and jealous to me. Why would this God be so jealous and arrogant?? Was he afraid someone would come along and know the real answers???
Apparently these humans thought I was "new"!
And this is where my journey for truly finding out came to be...
I was not the person that the adults thought I was.. I was not the person that my Grandmother or the Minister thought I was... I knew there was more to everything... The angels that I spoke with told me that there was far much more than what any human could ever understand... And after this, my thoughts were... If this was not proof to me, I dont know what would have been. I knew the angels were right... And I was out to find out as much as I possibly could..
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